I’m definitely not where I thought I would be at 25. When life doesn’t go according to your plan, it's normal to feel discouraged, but we could always change our outlook on the situation.
I feel like with every career change I’ve had so far, I was constantly saying that it was a transitional period in my life, and that I’m using this position as a stepping stone to where I want to be in the future. What direction do I even want to take? At this point, I’m not sure anymore because I’m starting to be fickle in terms of what I want out of my career. Change can be uncomfortable, but its apart of growing up and figuring out this crazy journey called life.
I’ve been in this weird slump lately and I’m still trying to dig deeper to find out the root of my problems. My intentions were a bit blurry this year in terms of where I want to take Back Tu Basic. I’ve been so absorbed with the analytical side of my business that I’m starting to get sidetracked, and forgetting why I started my blog in the first place. I want to have a relatable outlet to uplift and inspire women to learn about discovering their personal style since it all begins with self-love. Whether it’s teaching her how to dress for an interview, finding healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with stress, or simply learning how to embrace the body that they were born with gives me a sense of fulfillment and meaning.
I’m so focused on relative happiness instead of absolute happiness, and that's where I messed up. My perspective has been distorted with how I view success and only until I define what that means to me, I’ll never be satisfied or content with where I’m at in my life. “I’ll be happy when”…I get that job, a bigger salary, that relationship, that new bag, when I have my own place, and the list goes on.
I need to remind myself of the essential milestones that I’ve accomplished throughout the years. From starting Back Tu Basic, developing healthy & meaningful relationships with my loved ones, graduating college, growing from my past relationships, getting out of my comfort zone by traveling abroad, gaining a backbone, being able to vocalize my opinions, and most importantly realizing that the most important person that I’ll ever develop a relationship with is myself.
Writing down what's been on my mind this year has helped me put many issues into perspective, and allowed me to listen to my internal thoughts. When I look back on past journal entries, I can see various patterns of thoughts that I’ve had and how much I’ve grown through positive and negative moments. Reflecting on my past has helped me appreciate what I currently have and going forward I’m going to keep making more of a conscious effort to practice self-awareness by journaling!
Photography: Allen Pham